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Yes, it’s almost here! Chris and I are once again thrilled to be a part of this amazing, life changing, growth experience so aptly renamed the Rethinking Everything Conference. We are prepared to enlighten and be enlightened, connect, grow, challenge, be challenged, inspire, expand, and have TONS of fun! I can easily and without hesitation say that this conference is as unique and profound as it is dynamically fun. Our kids have been looking forward to it since… oh… our departure last year!
We are honored to be part of a truly noteworthy line-up of rethinking speakers. We hope to be able to offer MP3 recordings of our sessions so check back! Here’s what we’ll be talking about:
Who Needs a Doctor, Anyway? with Sarah Parent
We will all agree that the human body is an amazingly complex system of anatomic and physiologic connections and, while this skims the surface of the actual interconnected brilliance of our being, this is the sole focus of allopathic medicine. Traditional Western medicine assesses symptoms, identifies the physiologic pathology, and implements chemical or physical manipulation to alter or mute the symptomatic response. Even illnesses without identifiable physical cause have elaborate diagnoses and medications to alleviate symptoms without ever addressing a root cause beyond physical or chemical alteration in function. Even identifying psychosomatic manifestations is a thing of the past as consumers demand concrete explanations and quick fixes just as they would at the auto mechanic; and this is as close as medicine had come to linking the emotional and energetic components of the individual to what becomes a physical manifestation of illness.
Sarah is a Master’s prepared Registered Nurse of 12+ years and has recovered thoroughly from her experiences in the medical profession. She will share the information she uncovered in her Master’s thesis, Reiki studies, and herbal and homeopathic research to convey the basic health of each of our physical bodies. Discussion will focus on the emotional and energetic imbalances that contribute to physical manifestations of illness and biologic breakdown. Get ready for self discovery, self love, discussion, and a change in the way you view wellness. We all get sick sometimes. Let’s figure out why.
“Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is.” -Isaac Asimov
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My Kids Don’t Do Anything They Don’t Want To Do
with Chris Parent
And why should they? Independent thought can only be had when one is allowed the freedom to be independent; to succeed and to fail on one’s own terms; to own the experiences and information and move forward. As a whole-life unschooling dad, my kids have the freedom to make their own decisions in life. We do not force our kids to eat what we eat, when we eat, or go to bed at a particular time. They decide what learning opportunities they will pursue and even what constitutes a learning opportunity. Our family works as a unit with everyone having input to the decisions we make as a family. When we try to plan out our days (if we try to plan out our days) we take into account what everyone wants to do with their time, not just the adults in the family. By respecting everyone’s needs and desires, we maintain a peaceful environment at home because no one feels out of control or ‘less than’. In this session we will explore what it means to support true freedom in our children, how these dynamics work for my family, and how they can work for yours.
“In the end, the secret to learning is so simple: Think only about whatever you love. Follow it, do it, dream about it…and it will hit you: learning was there all the time, happening by itself.” -Grace Llewellyn
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Finding the heart of what Works for You and Your Family with Sarah Parent
Living consensually – a lifestyle in which all family members are equally valued and respected – is exhilarating, empowering, and… challenging. Unschooling is based on a foundation of trust that each child knows everything they need at any given time which, in theory, is brilliant and, in practice, can be downright terrifying. How can we stay the peaceful, trusting course when family, friends, society, and our own inner voice place seeds of doubt or wage all out war on our decisions and practices?
This session will be devoted to the construction of individual Guiding Principles that will form the unshakable foundation of your vision for your family and children. Sarah will use meditation, imagery, and supportive discussion to help each attendee extract their core principles and use them to form vision statements to maintain alignment between goals, dreams and daily interactions.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” –Albert Einstein
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We’ll be kicking back and sharing bliss, too!
Rock Star Parents with Chris Parent
Calling all adults/parents! Are you a rock star in hiding? Dust off your instrument of choice (guitar, drums, or vocal chords) and check out the song list. We’re forming an adult rock band to open the show and warm up the crowd for the Beatles tribute band at RE. We’ll be practicing solo over the next few months then rocking and having lots of fun together. Let’s stretch ourselves on the stage and show off a little joy and talent for the youngsters!
Set list:
Summer of 69 – Bryan Adams
Free Falling – Tom Petty
Take the Money and Run – Steve Miller Band
Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
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Fairy Houses with Sarah Parent
“There are many things in this world that I have never seen but it’s not for me to deny their existence.” This is what I tell my children when they ask if fairies are real. And, indeed, fairy dust and notes ‘written’ in sticks have arrived shortly after they have completed fairy houses near our home. Join in the delight of constructing natural, conscious creations for our fairy friends. We will read Fairy Houses by Tracy Kane and, using the eco-conscious guidelines set forth in this joyful tale, build our very own fairy village in the woods surrounding the AATC.
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Letterboxing – Letter what?! with Sarah Parent
Letterboxing is a hobby or pastime combining arts/crafting, nature, and treasure hunting. Letterboxes can be found all over the world. You may have walked right by one without ever knowing it was there! To letterbox, one follows a prewritten clue (some are quite simple and others require research) to seek out a small box housing a stamp and logbook. The stamp you carry as your identity is stamped in their logbook along with your ‘trail name’ and hometown. You also mark the book you carry with their stamp – giving a lasting memory/proof of the find. For more information see: www.atlasquest.com. Most letterboxers who ‘plant’ boxes hand carve their stamps and write a clue that provides information about a topic of their interest, historical information about the location of the letterbox, or some type of coded clue to exercise the brain. Hand carving stamps is fun and easier than you think with a little practice. There are many sites that show how like this one:
http://www.atlasquest.com/tutorials/carving/
The AATC is situated on 30 acres of beautifully wooded land on which to hide letterboxes and have a colossal, weekend-long treasure hunt! People from all over the world will come together to hide boxes, seek boxes, and have lasting memories of this fun, artistic, exciting adventure.
To play:
-Plan to hide a box! Which will be a little plastic storage box/bag.
o Place a small logbook (these are usually no bigger than 2”x2”) in the box. This may be handmade or can be one of
those handheld spiral notebooks.
o Place an ink pad in the box so that people can mark your book and theirs!
o Hand carve or choose a stamp that reflects something important to you or your family (your home state’s bird, a
hobby, a sports team, etc.).
o Name your box and start your clue with information about your theme. You will finish your clue at the AATC when
you choose a location to hide the box.
o Post copies of your clue on the Letterboxing Bulletin Board at RE so that others can seek out your box.
-Prepare your trail stamp and logbook
o Either choose or hand carve the stamp that will serve as ‘your mark’ in others’ logbooks. Since the logbooks in the
boxes are small, make sure your stamp is small to fit.
o Pack a small notebook (a composition notebook or similar will work well) to collect the stamps that you find.
o Occasionally, letterboxers will forget to place an ink pad in their box so bringing one with you is a good idea.
-Letterboxing etiquette
o Be sneaky when you’re hiding and seeking boxes. Hide them out of sight from curious passersby who may disturb
the box location. Re-hide them well when you’re finished stamping.
o Be sure to pick up your box at the end of your stay at RE. The box can be donated to RE for future use or taken
home with you and re-planted near you! If you do this, list your clue on www.atlasquest.com so letterboxers will
seek it out.
See you on the trails! FYI- if you see another letterboxer on the trail, you may ask to stamp/sign each other’s logbooks with your trail stamps. There are many more ins/outs and secrecies to letterboxing. Do a little research and we could have traveling stamps that come back to RE 2011 regaling tales of their adventures in the form of beautiful stamps.
Another great guest podcast especially for you!
Barb Lundgren of the Rethinking Everything Conference and Rethinking Everything Magazine and Teresa Brett of Parenting for Social Change dissect the process of consciously moving forward in our parenting by addressing our personal blocks and challenges that hold us captive in struggle.
Topic: The Spiral of Learning, Growth, Freedom and Responsibility
The idea of learning as a spiral comes from Paulo Freire’s discussion of praxis (action and reflection). It is the notion that learning is much more like a spiral than a linear progression of knowledge and skill development. For us parents, rather than progressing linearly, we will often revisit the same challenges. When we consciously develop the ability to reflect on our actions, we hopefully revisit the issue from a perspective that is further up the spiral, requiring thoughtful work on our part. Let’s talk about the thoughtful process that is required of us as we challenge ourselves to upgrade our actions, our communication with our children and teens and move gradually up the spiral to a place of real confidence and unconditionality.
Click here to stream directly or download FREE on itunes!
How often do we slip into old paradigms of parenting/learning structure without even knowing it? It’s easy to fall back into traditional patterns with our children when situations become uncomfortable or we’re not getting the outcomes that we expect or desire? In this conference call, Barb and I discuss the rationale for these missteps and how to re-orient ourselves to a paradigm in which we are supporting freedom and responsibility for our children… and ourselves.
Topic: Replacing Manipulative and Coercive Parenting Behavior with Trust and Allowance to Foster Maximum Freedom and Responsibility for Ourselves and Our Children and Teens
Despite our well intentioned motives, we err when we fall back on old school, conditioned ideas of what children need to become responsible beings. Notions of withholding privileges, time outs, “natural consequences,” forcing a child to complete unfinished projects, setting meal times and bed times, for example, are all old school ways of being with children that result in resentment, angst, disinterest and a general lack of taking responsibility. Let’s dissect how the development of self responsibility really takes place and some of the myriad loving and respectful ways of communicating with children and teens that fosters this.
Click here to stream directly or download FREE on itunes!
I have a surprise for you! In preparation for the Rethinking Everything Conference in September, Barb Lundgren is hosting a series of seven conference calls focusing on many different areas of concern for parents regarding Freedom and Responsibility. I will be sharing them here with you.
In this episode: Barb and Scott Noelle discuss how to ready ourselves with an awareness of what freedom and responsibility are and how to support them in ourselves and our children as partners.
Topic: Are You Ready for Freedom and Responsibility?
As much as we might dream about and want to create rich environments of unconditional love and support for our children’s and teens’ freedom-based learning, the fact is we can’t give what we don’t have! If we feel enslaved to work, bound by beliefs, stuck in relationships, burdened by chores, or addicted to others’ approval, we have yet to claim for ourselves the kind of freedom and responsibility we want our children to have. This can lead to feelings of resentment towards our children and even lapses into the kind of adversarial parenting behaviors we’ve rejected. In this call, we will address some of the conditioned thoughts and beliefs that are difficult to let go of and offer strategies to unload that baggage once and for all, so you can be confident and free to move ahead and create the life you dream of.
Click here to stream this podcast or download FREE on itunes!
My kids love to watch PBS. Fetch with Ruff Ruffman and Cyberchase are two of their favorite shows. And they learn alot from them. I must admit, so do I! For the most part, we find the minimal advertising that PBS presents innocuous. There’s a newish ad that they are running that burns my kids every time. It’s a promotion for Chuck E. Cheese. The catch phrase is something like, “We’re showing kids that doing something is way better than doing nothing.” The aim of the ad is to show that this pizza/arcade establishment is ‘partnering’ (I’m not sure how other than running this ad) with PBS (a television network) to encourage children to get out and get physical exercise. I’m not sure how these two can do anything more than lip service in this arena given their primary goals- making money on pizza and arcade games and having viewers for television programming. This aside, my kids question the insinuation of the message- that children opt to or ever really do “nothing”.
Activities that constitute “nothing”
Why do the kids find this offensive? Well, they do not understand how anyone could assume that kids are EVER doing “nothing”. I’ve given this much thought. What DOES doing “nothing” mean? I used to know. At least I thought I did. Before I had kids and spent all day every day with them, I thought I knew. Doing “nothing” meant spending time being “idle” or not participating in an activity that seemed “appropriate” at the time. It meant that the objective observer could not measure a product from the time spent. Sitting around? Watching television on a sunny day? Playing video games? Listening to music? Talking on the phone?
Standards of measurement
This is an old story for unschoolers but in a new context. It’s a tremendous process of growth to recognize that learning is happening without putting the burden of proof on the learner. Testing aptitude does not truly measure learning just as intangible or inobvious outcome does not indicate a lack of productively spent time.
These are completely subjective judgments on the part of the observer and, after bearing witness to the true nature of unadulterated people, I understand that there truly is no such thing as doing “nothing”. The kids point out that they are doing at least three things in every moment – (heart) beating, thinking, and breathing.
This leads me to one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies- Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium:
Molly Mahoney: [after they have set all the clocks forward in a shop to strike noon at the same time] Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We Breathe. We Pulse. We Regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. Thirty-seven seconds, well used, is a lifetime.
Time well spent, indeed. How often do America’s over-scheduled children have time to regenerate, create, or ingest? And how often are those who do considered to be lazy, unproductive, or… bored – leading to overscheduling?
The importance of doing ‘nothing’
Doing ‘nothing’ has a bad rap. It is also often confused with being idle, bored, loiterous, or other such words bearing the negative connotation of being unproductive and potentially spinning backward into troublesome behavior or activities. I find the complete lack of obvious productivity to be glorious to witness. It is mystifying to watch a child as they ponder, stare, wonder, and process internally. These are the moments when their true nature dissects the world’s input, fills in gaps of previously held knowledge, and moves forward with new assumptions and questions. These are the quiet moments when passions are spun round and round to revel in the excitement of information held and wonder at that which is yet to be discovered.
Boredom as communication
Let this not be (necessarily) confused with declarations of, “I’m bored!” which can often mean a number of things given any variety of family dynamics. Sometimes, “I’m bored!” means, “I’d love for you to engage with me.” Sometimes it means, “I’d love to learn something new or engage in a new and exciting activity.” The boredom to which I am referring is what we often call ‘downtime’ around here but is really some of the most ‘up’ time their growing brains have to process all that is coming to them and at them in this world full of stimulation.
How does this translate to the schooled child?
No matter what we think of how school time is spent and whether it is worthy of the time taken from the lives of our children, there is no question that school takes up a tremendous amount of a child’s lifetime. Getting to school, being at school, after school activities, getting home from school, doing homework, and preparing for school all over again. So much adult discussion is devoted to how exhausting this life of taxi driver and schedule keeper is and yet there continue to be more and more ways to squeeze in more ways to squeeze out more productivity from the child. When advertisements say, “we’re showing kids that doing something is way better than doing nothing,” I come at this from two angles:
1) Doing ‘nothing’ is some of the most valuable time we spend in our lives. These are the moments of meditation, deep thought, and connection with ourselves. We should not rob our children of the chance to make this connection while they are still young and not in need of a class series or a self-help book to do it.
2) How many children have a chance to actually do ‘nothing’? To sit with their own thoughts, process, and feel who they really are? Are we talking about encouraging physical activity? I assure you that a free child wants to move their body because it feels good. A child who is over-scheduled and under-empowered will default to ‘zone out’ mode when given the opportunity because they have to. A full day spent in an institution without free thought or choice and with governed instruction and assignment is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. It doesn’t burn the calories or work the muscles that free play does but it sure does use up the time and energy needed to participate.
If the public access goal is to have physically healthier kids, we may want to make mental health the priority. The more time and energy we take from our kids, the less they have. It just makes sense.
I co-publish Rethinking Everything Magazine with my bosom buddy Barb Lundgren of the Rethinking Everything Conference. Let me tell you a little about our magazine and a special price we’re offering to celebrate the release of Issue Three on July 1st!
Why is this magazine different?
Where do I even start? This is an online magazine like you have never seen before. The pages turn! There’s audio and video from our writers and links to expand your knowledge and toolbox for your own personal enlightenment process. Don’t like to read online? Download, save, and view whenever as a full color, gorgeous .pdf file. OR print your copy to read anywhere you like! No other magazine gives you such rich content in any format to fit your reading style.
Who are these writers? They are artists of change and inspiration in their own lives- people who have found it within themselves and outside societal lines to inspire transformational change in their lifestyle and mindset. We’re talking everything from birth, parenting, and education to healthcare, finances, sustainability, and MORE! Barb and I work with every writer and handpick the stories to fill each quarterly issue with tellings of change that will move, inspire, push, and empower you- the reader.
As you may know from the Humans Being podcasts, part of my rethinking process has been evaluating my own passions as I seek to support my children in their authentic lives. Who am I? What do I love? Rethinking Everything Magazine is an integral part of this process. I have experienced so much change in every avenue of my life and continue to proceed down the roads less traveled even as we venture out onto them (yes, we’re moving into an RV to travel North America!). In subscribing to this magazine, you are supporting entrepreneurship, freedom, and growth in your own life as well as ours. This is why we love this so much.
Attracting and reading empowering stories of people jumping out of institutional thinking and boxes to find new and emboldened paths for their authentic lives continues to be transformational for us. We hope you will join in the process- to think deeply about your engrained beliefs, to feel supported in your change process, and to LOVE yourself enough to feel the discomfort and empowerment of growth.
How do I subscribe? I’m so glad you asked! You can always subscribe from our website and right now we’re offering a great deal- $15 off the regular subscription price.
Subscribe now for just $35 for a a FULL year!
You’ll receive your first issue on July 1st- that’s SOON!
I love to speak and enlighten about freedom and living in connection with and support of children.
My good friend, founder of the Rethinking Everything Conference, and co-publisher of Rethinking Everything Magazine, Barb Lundgren, and I were recently interviewed on an internet radio program called, Claim Your Voice, Own Your Life. Maggie Self of Children of Spirit went a little deeper with this interview. It was refreshing to go to more detail about what it means to live an inspired life and act as the learner rather than the teacher in our relationships with children. No discussion of donuts and bedtimes here! Of course, we could have gone on for hours and even days but on this occasion, thirty minutes had to do.
~Click here to listen to a brief but much deeper discussion of radical unschooling than what you’re used to~
Listen to my interview with Teresa!
Recently, I had the rich experience of interviewing (conversing really) with Teresa Brett of Parenting for Social Change on Co-Creator Radio Network. The interview is in preparation for Teresa’s speaking at the upcoming Rethinking Everything Conference about which I am so excited. I have a previous connection with Teresa through Rethinking Everything Magazine for which she wrote the complete story of her transition from career professional and attached parent to the reality that the encultured parenting mentality and emotional baggage from her own childhood were squelching the development of her children and causing rampant disconnect in their family. Sound drastic? It is… Become a subscriber! Read Teresa’s story in the July, 2010 issue of REM.
Teresa’s journey has many parallels to my own and it was brilliant to discuss the leap of parenting thought with someone who is not afraid to use words like: ‘abuse’, ‘discrimination’, and ‘oppression’ with regard to traditional parenting techniques and mentality. Politically correctness be damned. Let’s call it what it is. There are no more qualified to assess the relationships and damage than those who have experienced the full spectrum of perspectives and grapple with this awareness on a daily basis. There is a consciousness that comes hand-in-hand with the contrast of our origins and our desire to support authentic children. Growth is perpetual, uncomfortable, awakening and leads to more open eyes in all areas of our lives. We are aware of every interaction and communication, constantly turning them around in our minds to evaluate if we are supporting or manipulating- if the voice that is speaking to our children is our authentic voice or the one that has come of our own upbringings- manipulated through enculturated parenting traditions and institutions.
Teresa and I discuss these challenges and the brilliant growth for ourselves and our relationships that results. What does a world of empowered people look like?
Click here to listen to our lively and thought provoking discussion!
“We are the only unschoolers in the greater _____ area.” I hear this all the time from unschooling parents feeling isolated and seeking like-minded community. My first question to them is whether they have actually looked… and where. There are many ways to locate unschoolers and connected/respectful parents but, being that this is not traditional educational/parenting methodology, we need to think outside the box. We probably won’t find these traits in our neighbors, the other parents on the soccer sidelines, or in our workplace cohort. There is definitely a need to come out of our shells to an extent and seek the support and connection we desire. The life of an unschooler can be extremely isolating for introverted parents and even more so for their children who may not share this personality trait and are left wanting more social interaction than is made available or comfortable for their parents.
Many of us find a reliable friend in the internet and support in the faceless names and personas portrayed on-screen in chat rooms and on groups. Don’t get me wrong, the internet is a fabulous tool. I have connected with loads of interesting people and garnered much in the way of support and food for thought through groups, essays, blogs, and websites. However, nothing can replace the camaraderie of regular face-to-face interaction with families living and learning similarly.
I never said it was easy. How bad do you want it? I can tell you from personal experience that local connections are worth every moment of the trials and tribulations of the search.
Where do I start?
Internet search- Open your favorite search engine and type in your area with ‘unschooling’ or ‘unschool’ and see what comes up. You may need to enter your county, metro area, nearby city, or state. The first step toward making connections may be as easy as this.
Yahoogroups- This is a great resource for groups of all varieties of interest and support. There are a great many unschooling groups- both international and local- to be found here. You can once again search for your area or begin joining international groups for a start in internet-based support. Setting up an account or starting your own group are both free.
Meet-Up- Finding unschool groups here will be a bit more rare (there is a fee for starting a group) but worth a shot since I happen to know there is a Dallas/Ft. Worth Whole-Life Unschoolers Meet-Up that began almost a year ago.  Setting up an account is free and your search results will reflect your locale.
International groups and lists- There are many groups (see especially unschooling Yahoogroups or local homeschooling info groups) and lists (like Radical Unschoolers Network) on which you may be talking to people who live right near you! Generally, it’s very acceptable to post an inquiry about unschoolers/radical unschoolers from your area. You may want to include a request for them to contact you offline so as not to bog down the group.
Start your own group- If you build it, they will come. I am on my third time at this and it has been successful each and every time. In southern NH, myself and 4 comrades- meeting through perfect serendipity (and a post on a national unschooling yahoogroup )- began a larger area unschooling group called LEAP which continues to grow exponentially. Upon moving to Texas, I began a small, local yahoogroup of similarly aged children and like-minded parents of the same name. This group has since dissolved but those of us who bonded through that experience have gone on to other things and remained close. Last year, myself and 4 other DFW unschooling mothers got together to form the DFW Whole-Life Unschooling Meet-Up to fill a need for growth, discussion, and networking in the area. It continues to be a tremendous success and we look forward to each and every get together for play and focused discussion.
A Few Notes
You may not feel it. As with anything, it is entirely possible and even likely that you will meet many people with whom you do not connect deeply before you find one with whom you do. Just because they’re radical unschoolers or (insert common descriptor here), doesn’t mean that you will have other things in common. Many times it has felt worth it to continue to find common ground with people if only because it has been important for me that my children have friends who are used to their parents being kind to them. There is a difference in those children and the friendships and play have always been stronger and more joyous as a result.
Be willing to travel. Getting together with other unschoolers/respectful parents often requires us to drive greater distances. It has always been worth it.
Be open. My first meeting of unschooling friends was (as I said) completely serendipitous. The story can be heard in HB #2- Finding the Real World. We connected because we were all very open about our beliefs and goals when we met and were talking. The more open you are about unschooling and respecting your children, the more apt you are to find others who do the same.
You’re Not Alone
Recently, I noticed a thread on one of the national boards of someone asking for good areas to which to relocate as they were searching for unschool community. I was pleasantly surprised to see members from all areas of the country piping up to throw their area in the running. There were dozens of areas represented- both rural and urban- by people who deemed their locale to be supportive and socially connected for unschoolers.
So when people come to me and say that they are the ‘only’ unschoolers in their local area, I have to believe that there is a pretty good chance they’re wrong. I’m not being an optimist. I speak from experience. Southern New Hampshire now has a group of 255 members as I write this post. Yup- southern New Hampshire. I quickly and easily formed a group of 13 families (there were more who wanted to join and I was of the mind to keep the group small at the time) within a 1-hour radius all with children around the same age as mine when we moved to Texas. Our Meet-Up group (granted, it is the entire DFW metroplex) now boasts 128 members- some of whom travel an hour or two happily to make these connections.
Granted, it is certainly possible that, even after exhausting all of these possible avenues for finding like minds, you will come up dry. I have come across many lately who are considering relocating for this purpose. While this may seem drastic, to know deep, personal connections with others who strive to live a positive, connected life may be worth it for you.
As we make the transition to a life on the road, we’ll be seeking whole-life unschooling families and groups with whom to connect as we explore North America. We’re looking forward to meeting you!
“I am youth! I am joy! I am freedom!” sang Peter Pan, as he flew through the air across the stage avoiding Captain Hook’s grasp with each pass.
As I sat this morning in Casa Manana Children’s Theatre enjoying another spectacular play, I noted once again with interest how often undertones and flat-out overtones of freedom, choice, pure joy, and fulfillment fill our entertainment but not our lives. Why, Peter Pan is about an island filled with boys who run away from home so they “never have to grow up and learn solemn things”! In a recent Humans Being podcast, I talked with Tara and Justin Wagner about encouraging our unschooled children to preserve and nurture this lust for knowledge, passion, and independent growth in a household in which the financial support is derived from a parent in an occupation or routine in which they are unfulfilled. These are the homes of the lost boys- our boys, the ones who see their futures in the glazed over eyes and hectic routines of their fathers.
Where did this notion come from- that we, along the way, must scrap our impulsiveness, passion, sense of fun, and eager desire for adventure? Or that it must be sacrificed in exchange for financial stability and social status? And why is it continually perpetuated despite awareness to the contrary? Most parents feel so much pressure for their children to ’succeed’ that the pressures of this contrived and miserable adulthood existence are imposed earlier and earlier in children’s lives so that they’re ‘prepared’ and can ‘function highly’. We escape to entertainment to once again feel the possibility of freedom, fulfillment, and consciousness that was encouraged and then left behind in the innocence of youth.
To truly support a generation of joyful, conscious, passion-driven people, we must, ourselves, strip away the ideas and beliefs that joy is just beyond the next bend or that we work now to live later. Reconsidering the lives we have made and the goals we have set can be very difficult. How do we de-program ourselves while still being able to provide for our children? There is no set recipe for this because each of us has a different flame, passion, dream to pursue. I can say that there are a few general steps:
1. Consider financial expenditures. Money (or lack thereof) is the biggest factor keeping people in unfulfilling situations. The things you thought you needed pale in comparison to the joy of living in the now. Shedding things (sell, consign, donate) and bills (downsize, go to one car or no car (!)) is incredibly liberating.
2. Consider your dreams. We all have them. They seem unrealistic or are shelved for ’someday’ while we continue to live the day-to-day routine hoping that one day the stars will align and a green light will flash telling us it is time.
3. Someday is right now. Start working quickly and earnestly in the direction of the dream(s) you have identified. Make a vision board. Don’t wait. No more excuses. Today is the day you will feel full because you have chosen to live.
Peter Pan renewed my awareness of, intention and attention to feeling the joy of life and analyzing what is truly necessary. Learn from your kids! And watch this video of Adora Svitak: What Adults Can Learn From Kids.
If I keep thinking these good thoughts, I may even take flight. Will you fly today?
Photo Credit: Sara Janssen
Join me for a live, in-person interview with Tara (The Organic Sister) and Justin (her deschooling/deworking husband) Wagner as we discuss their organic, intentional life as an unschooling, full-time RVing family living and working in freedom.
This is a must-listen! Tara and Justin Wagner have taken many leaps in their lives- the most recent of which has been moving on from a predictable suburban life to travelling full-time with their unschooling son in an RV. Listen in as we discuss what inspired this shift in mindset and lifestyle, what life is like working to live rather than living at work, and where they’ll go from here.
Do these podcasts and profundities inspire you? Donate to keep the Humans Being podcast/site vital!
Click here to stream podcast or download FREE on itunes!
Music Selection: I Choose- India Arie / This Time Around- Helen Stellar
Have you ever thought about why you say the word, “no” to your children? Parents are incredibly trigger happy and “no” is their bullet. Sometimes “no” is disguised in a few other words or hidden entirely in a phrase that sounds different but, in the end, means “no” (e.g. – “not right now”).
Children are explorers, adventurers, pretenders, scientists, clowns, wonderers, wanderers, inquisitors, and so much more. How, then, will they learn in a world where “no” is the easy answer from adults who deem a certain behavior to be inappropriate, uncomfortable, dangerous, or (more than likely) inconvenient? Indeed, how will they learn the importance of the word “no” when it plays on and on in the background of their lives like a monotonous beat lacking interesting lyrics?
Learning requires experience – on this we can all agree. Even those who support traditional education are aware (though without the ability to fully incorporate it) that hands-on experience is required to incorporate information into our lives rather than in our short-term memory visitation. I would venture to guess that more than 90% of “no” (or likewise negating phrase) usage is not based in any real rationale. What people think of us or whether the situation makes us uncomfortable is not considered ‘real’ when weighed against the potential for the continued learning of our children.
How, then, are “no” and its comrades in negation used? I can think only of two situations:
1) My child’s exploration is impinging on the freedoms of others.
2) My child is unknowingly putting him/herself in serious danger.
Even with these there are considerations and the evaluation of whether we are clinging to the potential for these two to be true (b/c it makes the situation easier for US) or if they actually do apply to the situation. Mild injury is not serious injury and can be a significant learning experience. Dirtying their clothes does not constitute impinging on your freedoms b/c you are the family launderer.
Tremendous liberation for all of us lies in the deep analysis of our use of negating statements and redirection. Not only do we open ourselves to the joy of exploration and revel in our role as the supporters of our children’s constant learning, but we regain/maintain the integrity of “no” for those situations in which it is truly needed. Our opposition to behaviors and activities is taken much more seriously and with value by our children when it used sparingly and with regard to their need to explore their world. Children who do not hear “no” constantly stop in their tracks when it is uttered by their trusted adult. Just as needed to support our children, so should the word “no” be used.
Note to my friends from Clan of Parents (May 9, 2010 post ‘Going Up’) – I request that my children not climb on the kitchen counters, walls, etc. with ‘playground feet’ and that they move glassware so that there is less of a chance of breakage/injuries. This is generally honored but sometimes forgotten. This is the basis of a consensual relationship in which all parties are respected- freedom supporting freedom. They explore in plain sight because they know I support them and will help them without question as requested. My “no”s are generally rooted in reality and rationale. When they’re not, my astute youngsters respect my need for them to pause while picking apart my holey negations to transparency so that even I can see the ludicrous lack of foundation. Those moments are the true “teaching moments”- the ones in which I learn more about me.
Are homeschooled children social misfits? Socialization is a primary source of concern in discussions of homeschooling- surpassing even maintenance of educational standards. Join me as I share research, evidence, and perceptions of socialization similarities and disparities related to educational avenue.
Thanks to Casey- North Dakota, USA- for inspiring this show’s topic.
(Wikipedia) Socialization- Socialization is a term used by sociologists, social psychologists, anthropologists, politicians and educationalists to refer to the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies… it describes a process which may or may not affect the reflexive agent, and which may or may not lead to desirable, or ‘moral’, outcomes.
Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts by Isabel Shaw
The Hurried Child by Dr. Raymond Moore
Comparison of Social Adjustment Between Home and Traditionally Schooled Students by Edward L. Shyers, Ph.D., University of Florida, 1992
Have Fun. Learn Stuff. Grow. by David Albert
Homeschooling Grows Up- HSLDA- 2003 Study
Fifteen Years Later: Home-Educated Canadian Adults- Canadian Centre for Home Education- 1994
HOME-SCHOOLING: Socialization not a problem (The Washington Times) by Michael Smith
There is no standardized child- whether traditionally schooled or homeschooled.
Studies are useful for debate scenarios to support homeschooling and provide objective means of assessment. Socialization can really only be assessed in regular interactions with others. We take cues from our children as to how, when, and with whom they wish to initiate/perpetuate social contact.
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Nine in the Afternoon- Panic at the Disco / 257 weeks- Nine Days
I recently came upon the Family Mental Health blog on PsychCentral.com about unschooling. More specifically, the writer of the blog lived up to the initials following her name and questioned Good Morning America’s edited portrayal and highly biased discussion of the unschooling lifestyle. She conveyed her gut reaction after viewing the piece and made a call to anyone with more information about unschooling to respond to the post. I was astounded in the blogosphere – filled with ignorance and instantaneous, unsubstantiated post-hurling – to find someone actually posting to request information about something that just didn’t sit right and smelled biased. Thank you, Erika!
Here is her post: Unschooling- What’s the Real Story? By Erika Krull, MS, LMHP
There are several great responses on there. I am posting mine here as requested by a listener and friend who thought it was a great, succinct description to pass on to questioners.
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Thank you, Heather, for clarifying my comment about hygiene. Yes, I am the mom from Discovery Health’s Radical Parenting segment that was excerpted on GMA. Here’s the deal- we are not coercive parents. We do not demand that our children participate in any behavior or situation that does not feel right to them. We discuss things with them in a way that they will understand WHY things are important to do. There are many things that we all do b/c they have always been done but without reason. We are encouraging a conscious life. Because they are genuine and empowered, there are never issues of resistance for the sake of resistance. Yes, they brush their teeth (we talk about why that’s important and visit the dentist). Yes, they eat healthy food primarily (regular conversations about nutrition, label reading, etc.). Yes, they get plenty of sleep (when they are tired, they sleep). Because these segments are edited to present the contrast, showing my kids eating apples would not have depicted that. My children choose from whatever is in the house. The day of filming a donut was brought in by the film crew for my son. Do public school kids not eat donuts? Unfortunately b/c that is a glimpse of choice, it is commonly interpreted as routine. I am pleased that we put ourselves out there so that discussions like these can be had. Media will be media.
WRT Unschooling – Yes, this is a method of facilitating access to the abundance of resources our communities, internet, travel, etc. have to offer and pursuing our children’s interests/curiosities to the fullest. This is how our children learned to read, do complex math (for FUN), explore evolution and endangered species, research colonial America, and so much more. Learning is real and organic and exciting! We have taken this respect for our children’s minds/learning and extended it to their bodies, emotions, and psychological well-being. This is called Radical Unschooling. It is a life in which we all respect each other and are continually communicating, learning, and growing. Unfortunately, there is a distinct misinterpretation of children as a whole when people assume that they will disrespect their bodies and other people if there are no arbitrary rules. Communication and guidance are constant, reciprocal and result in healthy, loving, and joyful family relationships as well as empowered, conscious children.
Good Morning America responded quickly yesterday to emotional viewer reactions over their highly edited and opinionated segment on radical unschooling. Christine Yablonski and Phil Biegler were flown to New York City to appear on this morning’s show to offer information about radical unschooling in conjunction with Pat Farenga - home- and unschooling expert. They responded to a few of the major concerns noted on GMA’s viewer comment thread- How will unschoolers get a job and function as adults? How will they have exposure to choice and opportunity in the world? How will they function as adults having never had structure or boundaries? Yablonski, Biegler, and Farenga did a wonderful job in the short time* that they were given of presenting an overview of radical unschooling in a positive light.
While it was heartening to hear GMA’s George apologize for his emotional, biased statements regarding the radical unschooling lifestyle and to listen to a more comprehensive overview of unschooling from the guests, how many people saw a quick blip yesterday and didn’t tune in this morning as they began their busy day? Or turned off the TV when they saw there may be government regulation on sodium content in foods on their way out the door? Yesterday’s segment was damaging. Today’s was a bandage that will hopefully remind GMA to evenly present subject matter to their viewers the first time – or not. Does this just emphasize the fact that the average television viewer tunes in to feel that rush of emotion and reaction rather than information? That this drives ignorant but money-making buzz and increased viewership? Unfortunately, those who seek more information about unschooling from GMA through reading the text story accompanying the video will garner more of the edited, stereotypical, inaccurate opinions of unschooling and will have to look further on their own.
Addressing our educational norms to the very core of learning theory will take a lot more than 5 minutes but I am hopeful to think of additional viewers that may have tuned in just for this morning’s informative, positive piece.
*Many times since my family’s appearance on the Discovery Health Channel’s “Radical Parenting” special (1:38) and especially after these two Good Morning America segments has it been noted how limited the timeframe is for these pieces. Having not watched a mainstream news program, morning program, etc. in years, it is astounding how short the American attention span has become. When we (this includes the kids) watch something on television, it’s because we are interested in the topic/subject matter and want to know/see more. To see this type of commonly watched program sectioned out into pieces a few minutes long- just enough to squeeze a viewer reaction- spoke volumes about mainstream culture - fast-paced, rushing to judgment, and on the way to something new with an uninformed viewpoint on several different topics. To this end, I am excited for the release of Unschooling: The Movie as well as another documentary that is currently in production about unschooling by radical unschooling mother, Susan Burke. I will keep you updated when I have more information.
The Biegler/Yablonski family was featured on Good Morning America this morning hoping to shed some light on radical unschooling during mainstream America’s morning cuppa’ joe. GMA quickly put a halt to any open discussion that might have been had in the MAINstream, however, by spewing their negative judgments and opinions before, during, and after the highly edited and biased segment.
Watch the 5-minute segment here- Extreme Homeschooling: No Tests, No Books, No Classes, No Curriculums
My comment on Good Morning America’s Shout Out thread this morning:
GMA’s representation of radical unschooling was biased and uninformed. RUers learn from real life experiences in the ‘real world’ everyday and are generally more confident, capable, and intellectual than any schooled child. Life is choice at its finest and the resources and opportunities that unschooled children have at their fingertips are boundless. Underestimating our children and their natural capacity and desire for connection, respect, choice, and learning is the mistake that is undermining our culture and society. This was a very close-minded segment edited to generate gasps more than actual discussion. I, too, encourage GMA to edit their content with more vision and less personal opinion and applaud this family for supporting their children in natural learning, inspired thought, adventure, and entrepreneurship.
In addition to submitting a comment on the thread, I felt compelled to contact ABC directly in the hopes that they would like more information about radical unschooling:
Contribute | Do you have more information about this topic? If so, please click here to contact the editors of ABC News. In bold is what they received- my response exceeds their character allotment maximum:
I am very disappointed in the biased representation of unschooling portrayed by GMA this morning. I am the mother of the radical unschooling family in the video clip from Discovery Health and, though DHC’s opposing viewpoints (“experts”) were based in societal prejudice and misconceptions (similar to GMA), felt they did a much better job at allowing us to present how learning happens in the limited timeframe allotted for national television.
Some resources to inform you about unschooling so that you can present a more unbiased forum for discussion: I host and produce a podcast called Humans Being (www.werhumansbeing.com) which focuses on connected parenting and radical unschooling. There are conferences all over the United States from which people are garnering more information on unschooling all the time- one of the finest is the Autodidact Symposium- coordinated and facilitated by grown unschoolers. The yahoogroup: Ask Unschooling Offspring is another great resource for contacting teens who are being and adults who have been unschooled. The classic works of John Holt have been used for decades in mainstream educator training and are the basis of the unschooling revolution. John Taylor Gatto- former esteemed educator and critic of standardized education- has much to say with regard to the validity of unschooling.
My additional responses to this segment:
Unschooled children represent unschooling through their actions and pursuits. Questioning teens with regard to their readiness for college is a very mainstream perception as to what is deemed important at any given time. Could you ask the same of a schooled student and get a similar response? Absolutely. Is college really necessary for individuals to attain success- whether that be classified either by financial status or happiness? No. True investigation yields information to the direct contrary. This brings up a very important double standard that is often portrayed in the dubious questioning of unschooling. Ask these same questions of traditional school and the answers are either equal or an appalling testament to the lack of inspiration, support, opportunity, and options that the system yields for our children.
There was a glimpse of the children’s passions/interests when their indoor cultivation was shown and then cameras cut away to their sword fighting. Yes, as unschoolers, much of our lives and learning are focused on play. It is a sad commentary on our culture’s values that life, learning, work, and play are not seen as interwoven facets of the same life experience. In the same right, for GMA to portray radical unschooling to a mainstream population, it is important on some level to depict the children’s interests/passions/endeavors and discuss learning theory and the extensive history of unschooling philosophy and practice (see the works of John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, and many others).
No- children need not be forced to participate in activities that are undesirable to offer options, opportunity, nor to help them become accustomed to doing things that are uncomfortable. The choices that each of us makes in life are based on our confidence level, personal preferences, and goals. An empowered individual who is supported in their choices will seek personal fulfillment through whatever means necessary (college, training, apprenticeships, hard work/practice, etc.). Unschoolers support their children in the widely varied and potentially ultra-focused learning opportunities that are available in our communities- local, extended, online, etc.
I am very interested in pursuing this further with you.
Warmly,
Sarah Parent
(whose unschooling family is getting ready to begin full-time RVing and seeing what this great continent has to offer- first hand)
So far, I have gotten their automated response that apparently does not automatically integrate the <name> field on their comment submission page:
Dear ,
Thanks so much for sending us your contribution. We read everything we
get from our users, and will pass on this information to our reporters
and editors. We hope you’ll continue to send along facts and
information.
Thanks again –
The Team at ABCNEWS.com
Yes, we’re heading in the direction of our dreams! House sale, inspection, appraisal, RV- yahoo! What is YOUR normal life?!
Minka has moved on. We are so appreciative to have had the years together. Both her life and her transition through death were connecting and growing experiences for our family to share together.
New audio! Yes, I am in stereo now thanks to some new software and technological improvements.
Rethinking Everything Magazine Issue Two came out on April 2nd! If you have not received a FREE trial issue, check out the website. If you liked Issue One, become a subscriber!
Thank you to this month’s financial supporters of Humans Being!
Susan Burke- unschooling mom and director of an upcoming documentary about unschooling. Come see her at the Rethinking Everything Conference or e-mail her at: susan@slackworks.com
Andrew Bartelt- unschooling dad and owner of AB Computer Solutions in Houston, TX. If you’re in that area and need technological assistance for your small business, let’s support unschooling entrepreneurs! 713-581-0292
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What is strewing?
I read and comment on an excerpt from Sandra Dodd’s website in an attempt to clarify what strewing actually is (and is not) and how we can facilitate through this method.
An excerpt from John Holt’s Teach Your Own helps us to understand what strewing is NOT.
Examining the energy behind strewing
- scheduling for the sake of it
- consulting/sharing not sneaking/watching
- teachable moments vs. truly interesting experiences/tools
When done in earnest and without manipulative intent, strewing is a form of facilitation and a means of joyful connection.
Support this podcast- give what moves you. Every little bit helps! Make a donation to keep this podcast vital.
 Stream this episode NOW or download FREE on itunes!
Music Selection: Normal Life - July for Kings
Many people ask me how my children will function in the ‘real world’.
Further questioning reveals a concern that, because unschoolers are not accustomed to having their time and activities regimented by an external authority, they will be unable to function in society as adults.
Unschoolers do not live in some kind of self-limiting bubble. Our children live and function with us in the ‘real world’ every day. They are more aware of the operations and interactions of society than any child forced to function within the confines of an institutional setting can possibly be. A school child’s time is spent in a counterfeit reality- one in which their interactions lie primarily with children of the same age and those with adults are maligned by the distinction that is authoritarian rule. School is not even a remote replica of society and, therefore, cannot effectively teach anything about authentic responsibility, accountability, and integrity of the individual within the confines of a structure in which there are endless expectations but very little in the way of personal exploration.
Related podcast- how our family came to unschooling: HB #2 Finding the Real World
Contrary to popular belief, children (and people- for that matter) are inherently compassionate, intelligent, and curious beings. All of these qualities become sufficiently squelched in a system that is bound to rewards, punishments, and an inability to foster the individual learning and social needs of any child but for the continuing unmet needs of the whole.
Recommended reading: Alfie Kohn’s- Punished By Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes
Comparing assimilation in a school setting to that in the ‘real world’ is quite possibly a sad commentary on what today’s American considers to be an acceptably mundane life of following rules, working at a less-than-satisfactory job for similar wage, and going through the paces. We consider life to be an exciting adventure- one in which there is always some new topic to explore, activity to endeavor, and interesting person to meet.
Mind expanding reading: Give Me Liberty by Gerry Spence.
Glimpses at our adventures and ponderings on Clan of Parents.
What about ‘authority’? Police? Government? Accountability to others? Children are the subjects of constant mentoring if only through their own curiousity and observation. While my husband and I are constant questioners, we are law-abiding, tax paying, good neighbors in our community. We have never insinuated to our children that they are anything less than perfectly capable and kind individuals and so they are. The next most powerful learning experience for all of us is communication. Discussion about every facet of the world we are experiencing and contemplating is constant in unschooling families.
Will they be able to get a job? Does this question refer to that concern of being unable/unwilling to bow to authority? What kinds of jobs and managerial structures are these? Yes, our children will thrive in any setting. They emanate respect, kindness, and teamwork and generally receive the same. Because they have not been forced to shed their personal integrity and respect for self in favor of the submissiveness required to spend a childhood based on someone else’s design, they will not need self-help books to instruct them on how to remain emotionally intact in social/professional interactions. I listened to a podcast some time ago of an interview with Laurie Chancey, adult unschooled daughter of Valerie Fitzenreighter (auther- The Unprocessed Child), who was asked how she learned to deal with bullies. She paused and said something to the effect of: “I guess if I had gone to school, I would’ve needed to learn that.” These are scenarios that play out in school social settings in which power struggles trickle down and become the norm. The multitude of unschoolers of all ages with whom we interact are better at dealing with conflict and communication than most adults because they are empowered, confident, and kind (both to themselves and others). I hope my children never feel that they need to bow to any authority but rather continue to give and receive respect in a healthy, productive way that is ideal in interpersonal and professional relationships- in The Real World.
Tune in tomorrow - Sunday, March 21st at 10 pm CST – 11 pm CST to hear myself, Elizabeth (AP mom), and Gina (gender neutral mom) on The Feminist Breeder & Friends Radio Show as we discuss our experiences with and reactions to our appearances on: Discovery Health Channel’s ‘Radical Parenting’.
This is a LIVE show so you’ll have the opportunity to call in, ask questions, and talk with us!
This show will be archived for future reference and available on itunes.
There have been a smattering of blog comments in response to Discovery Health’s ‘Radical Parenting’ special indicating that Child Protective Services should be involved with our family. Why? From the perspective of an overbearing, traditionally-minded parent, the dynamic of our family is frighteningly lax. It is immediately assumed that because our children are not FORCED to comply with arbitrary dietary restrictions, hygienic schedules/requirements, and are free to determine how they spend their time, that this constitutes some sort of negligence on our part. Nothing could be further from the truth.* The end result- the assumption follows- will be that our children will consistently make poor choices, have resultant health issues, and will not thrive educationally. Once again, a longer than 20-minute look into our lives and a mind open to research over the last 3 decades in child development, nutrition, and learning theory demonstrates that nothing could be further from the truth.*
*Here’s the truth. Discovery Health alotted 20-minutes for a lifestyle that is so complex and replete with contrast to traditional parenting that the only way that they could depict the specific areas of our lives in which our philosophies play out differently was to show the viewer the ways that we support choice. It’s easy for any parent to support a child choosing carrot sticks or apple slices. This (though certainly caught on camera during our weekend of filming) would not have enlightened anyone to the fact that our children are completely free to choose what they eat and when. Encouraging and supporting choice through guidance and nutritional information while also assisting the child in interpreting their body’s cues and situational circumstances to decide what to eat at a particular time is an incredibly connected, hands-on, supportive way to parent.
Related reading: The Full Plate Club
Related podcast: Free-Range Kids
No- we don’t force our children to bathe. Forcing a child to do anything teaches them to relinquish authority over their own bodies to those who are more powerful or ‘know more’ than they. Need I say more? Most parents readily coerce their children to do things against the child’s will and then wonder how the child could have gone off with a strange adult, been the victim of a pedophile, or other horrifying circumstance. Yes, it is the same thing. Every single situation in which we disempower our children takes a brick away from their wall of self-protection. Does this mean that my children walk around in dust clouds like Pigpen on Charlie Brown? Absolutely not. I don’t bathe according to an arbitrary schedule and neither do my children. We bathe when we’re chilly, want to relax, play in the water, or when foul odors are detected. Again, communication is key when we live in a community- our house being our tiny, core community.
Highly recommending Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting as a resource for understanding and practicing support of the authentic child.
Child Protective Services has plenty on their plate. Believe me, as a Registered Nurse of 12 years, I am fully aware of the burdensome caseloads of these professionals. Get your facts straight. Parenting with consistent guidance and communication while supporting our children to govern their own bodies and minds is an optimal parenting methodology.
Texas Child Protective Services states as their goal to “protect the child and strengthen the family.” Bravo! We have the same goal and one that I am devoted to as a radical unschooling mother in every moment of every day.
Some day maybe these people will refocus their criticisms as they deprogram…
As a Registered Nurse for 12 years, I am very familiar with the phrase, “eating our young.” In a Google search, I find all the references to this phrase to be in regards to nursing. Sad… and curious because I know this is not the only group in which this pattern of behavior occurs- alienation, condescension, sentiments of superiority, etc. aimed at a younger or less experienced set. I have heard from various sources over time this phenomenon cropping up in the unlikeliest of social groupings- the unschoolers.
As an unschooler, I ask myself, “who am I?” I answer that I am a mom who has done and continues to do a tremendous amount of self-work to allow the trust in my children who are beyond capable of determining what they will learn and when. My position in this journey is as facilitator of the ‘how,’ the comrade, the guide, and the supporter. These are things I have done with my children since birth. How, then, did these children only become classified by some as unschoolers when they came of “school” age. If I don’t believe in school, its mandates, its schedule, its endless restrictions, then how does my open admittance to social and networking connections within a community so opposed to institutional regulation and strangulation be withheld or seem only partial? All of our children are unschoolers- curious, self-directed, passionate learners. If anything, we as parents are the lost souls requiring enlightenment, support, and relinquishing of heavy institutionally engrained baggage to understand that learning is joyful and happening everywhere and in all things- all the time. For that, we have each other to provide consistent support and resources.
When we restrict inclusion in valuable conversation and networking based on age divisions- saying that families aren’t ‘unschooling’ until their children reach some magic societally-determined age for the beginning of learning, not only are we being hypocritical but we are restricting their comfort and ability to exchange in thought, support, and growth. One of the most inspiring reasons for me to be an unschooler is the wide open acceptance of all learning and growth opportunities that come our way. Welcome unschoolers! Let’s grow.
Join my husband, Chris, and I as we discuss and explain some recently blogged comments about our recently aired segment of:
Discovery Health Channel’s ‘Radical Parenting’ special
3 Families- Attachment Parenting, gender neutral parenting & radical unschooling
General consensus is that Radical Unschooling is, by far, the most ‘radical’ of the styles. Hmmm.
General opinions-
1) Interesting take; not for us.
2) We can incorporate more of that connected parenting within
our traditional school comfort zone.
3) We wish they had shown a family with older kids.
Why? This is not about the outcome.
Just as with public school, we’ll turn out tradesmen, Harvard graduates-
any and everything you can think of…
The point is that it’s all attainable in happiness and through pursuit of
personal passions.
It’s about joy and connection.
4) These people are crazy and should be jailed.
WHAT? How could loving, trusting, and guiding our children be perceived in this way?
The most prominent concerns from the show:
- THE DONUT
- help with teeth brushing- recommended by the ADA
– reading to my son when asked
Yes- I will- everytime
- too much TV
- do we have jobs?
- our kids won’t function socially
- our kids won’t be able to function in the ‘real world’
Here’s what it comes down to:
Unschooling and connection parenting are based on a multitude of developmental, psychological, and learning principles.
Just like you- we care.
Support this podcast- give what moves you. Every little bit helps! Donate button on top right sidebar.
Music selections- Youth Gone Wild- Skid Row / Revolution- The Beatles
We gathered around the television this evening- the kids, Chris, myself, my mom, Barb, and Steve. We waited with the television on mute while some horrifying dramatization of seizures was finishing. The kids paid no mind- climbing on the couch and showing Barb and Steve their newest creations and talents. There were flutters in my chest while heart and head were in conflict. Heart: expect a wonderful, joyous, intelligent representation of our lives which can serve as a launch for those interested in researching more. Head: what will these late-entry parenting ‘experts’ say to discount what we are doing? How will they use their placement as having the last word?
Heart and head were both right. We were really thrilled with how our pieces of the show came together. It is virtually impossible to squeeze all that is whole-life/radical unschooling into a 15 minute nutshell. ‘Radical Parenting’ did manage to hit the high points and give a decent enough overview such that interested people can proceed to investigate on their own. We were amazed at how natural it all looked and how well it was all pieced to flow nicely together. Very professional.
Head knew, though, what it meant when we were apprised only a few weeks ago that the network had requested parenting ‘experts’ to comment on each family. Not only were these people completely uninformed about the depth of research and evidence that supports unschooling, but we were not given the opportunity to discuss what they considered ‘negative’ aspects of unschooling/consensual living- lack of socialization, difficulty/inability to function in a college/work setting, etc. These are such common misconceptions that they seem laughable and it was disappointing to hear these types of irrational stereotypes conveyed in the ‘expert’ opinion.
I only twitched once during the show; when one of said ‘experts’ indicated that respecting our children and encouraging self-direction is a great notion if you’re dealing with little adults, but we’re dealing with children. This struck me as incredibly ignorant and downright agist. It is a clear indication that he has no idea the extent of communication, guidance, and discussion that goes on in a family that is connected, respectful and trusting. “Hands off” parenting, this is not.
Nevertheless, we are pleased. ‘Radical Parenting’ depicted three wonderfully loving, engaged families living intelligently from our hearts. I feel confident and satisfied in knowing that we played a role in informing mainstream society of the potential to live peacefully and joyously, supporting our children in all aspects of their growth.
 ‘Radical Parenting’- a Discovery Health Channel special featuring three families depicting alternative styles of parenting- will air TONIGHT, Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 8pm EST.
Tune in to see the Parent family and two others as we discuss radical unschooling, attachment parenting, elimination communication, and more!
This is the Discovery Health Baby Week 2010 promo video. Radical Parenting begins at 1:19.
 Join the Radical Parenting (virtual) Viewing Party Facebook event page to comment, discuss, or query after viewing the show.
DVD copies available for purchase through Mike Mathis Productions by contacting: ashley@mikemathisprods.com
See what people are saying about the show even before it airs!
Extreme Parenting: What Radical Parents Do Better Than You
Radical parenting, unschooling to air Discovery Health
The show will air in three different time slots. Information here and a way to sign up to get a reminder to watch!
Myself, Gina, and Elizabeth- the moms featured in this special- will be ‘talking back’ LIVE on Sunday, March 21, 2010 on The Feminist Breeder and Friends Radio Show. We’ll be discussing the taping of the show, our reactions, things you may not have seen, and taking LIVE questions!
News
Discovery Health Channel’s ‘Radical Parenting’ featuring my family’s connected, passion driven life will air Wednesday, March 3rd at 8pm EST/7pm CST
Rethinking Everything Magazine
- has thought provoking interviews with our change agents up on the website
- is ready to release Issue #2 on April 1st. Have you subscribed? Issue #1 is FREE to preview by contacting- publishers@rethinkingeverythingmagazine.net
- already gotten Issue #1? Comment on the website!
www.rethinkingeverythingmagazine.net
Personal news- find me on Facebook and continue to get updates (sidebar link)
New awareness- money is not the drive. Passion is the drive and money is the consequence.
We are following our passions and becoming self-directed just as we hope for our children.
The kids’ perspectives on what it means to be free with parents enslaved to the corporate mindset and bills.
Our intentions-
- pursuing work that we enjoy.
- putting intention and planning toward extended travel/adventure.
- eliminating unnecessary bills (they are all unnecessary unless we deem them otherwise) and living simply.
Donation button now available for Humans Being in the sidebar. I gladly and appreciatively accept donations toward keeping this podcast vital.
 Click here to stream the show or download FREE from itunes!
 
The Parent family’s whole-life/radical unschooling lifestyle will be featured on Discovery Health’s special entitled Radical Parenting on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 8 PM EST.
Here is a link with additional showtimes and a feature to have an e-mail reminder sent to you:
http://health.discovery.com/tv-schedules/special.html?paid=62.9024.128774.0.0
Check out my recently published article in Life Learning Magazine- The Mother He Needs
The Parent family will be on Discovery Health representing radical unschooling in March! Friend me on Facebook to get an update when I am notified of the exact time slot.
Rethinking Everything Magazine- support me, support my new magazine! Tell everyone you know about this amazing publication. I am so proud of this! These stories are amazing
2009 has been about:
Honesty
Connection
Listening
Opening
What does this have to do with unschooling?
Deep authenticity
True connection with ourselves
Put the Oxygen mask on yourself first
Who am I?
I would like to express my deepest gratitude to you. We are connected and I feel the energy you offer when you read and listen. Wishing you a positively brilliant 2010 filled with joy and expansion.
Click here to stream on your computer or search Humans Being on itunes for FREE download!
Music Selections: Send It Up- Vertical Horizon / Our Lives- The Calling
My article, “The Mother He Needs” has been published in the Jan/Feb issue of Life Learning Magazine online. I’m very proud of this story. It is at the very core of what I feel is important in my mothering- intuitively feeling and truly listening to the needs of our individual children rather than societal and engrained expectations.
In this episode: Sarah talks about social and media influences- deprogramming ourselves to see the empowered decisionmakers in our children.
I’ve been busy!
Check out my new endeavor :
Rethinking Everything Magazine!!!
www.rethinkingeverythingmagazine.net
Who are ‘they’?
Researchers? Other parents?
Studies regarding social influences on children are not studying free children
Most children in our society are oppressed, judged, otherwise altered by the motives of others.
How can these studies apply to our children?
Undesirable messages
Good vs. bad in life- smoking, alcohol, tattoos, clothing choices… What are the issues that bug you?
Free children demonstrate their individuality in their relative disinterest in the choices of others.
We talk about personal choice and evidence- they make their own personal choice
Sex, drugs, language
Video games- violence primarily is the issue
In talks with my kids- ‘we know it’s not real!’
Listen to them- they know
Role playing- pretend- fun, playing out scenarios not experienced in real life
Music- sex, language, violence
TV/movies- Watch with them! Talk about it.
Tune in to your kids.
Music selections: Who Are They?- Buck O Nine / Anyway- O.A.R.
 Click here to stream this show or download FREE from itunes!
I’ve been busy… starting a magazine! Barb Lundgren and I have been inspired to start a magazine publishing personal stories of monumental journeys of change that have brought individuals from traditional to transformed. If you have a personal story featuring a metamorphosis of some aspect of your life that has left you blissfully outside societal and institutional expectations, write us! If you’re interested in subscribing to this bold, new publication, visit our website!
Rethinking Everything Magazine
publishes their first issue in early 2010
We’re looking for writers . . . do YOU have a story to tell?
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 Write for us
Are you ready?Rethinking Everything Magazine
publishes their first issue in early 2010!
Will the bold, deeply personal stories of change thrill you?
Spur some upgraded thinking and inspire your own change?
We’re blazing a brand new trail
in the direction of fresh ideas on all fronts -
abandoning traditions and institutions
and seeking innovations of life and mind.
It’s time for change. The world needs new stories. YOUR story.
Do you know change?
If you have experienced monumental, life-altering transformation
(that made culture raise an eyebrow), we want to hear from you!
Rethinking Everything Magazine
pays $100 for published personal stories of change.
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It’s OK to be happy. In fact, it’s imperative! Sarah discusses vibration shifts, law of attraction, and just plain improving our lives and the lives of our children through positive thinking and positive energy projection.
Don’t worry, be happy!
Consciously changing our attitudes to project and attract positivity
Negative energy creates tunnel vision
Positive energy allows us to recognize opportunities that we might not otherwise see
Appreciating what we have- money, time, moments- creates energy for intention/creativity
Turn off/away from those people/things that pull your energy down- gossip, media, excessive sarcasm, judgmental family/friends
How does this relate to unschooling? Living in freedom, mentoring endless possibilities and problem-solving.
Music Selections: Three Little Birds- Bob Marley / Make It Mine- Jason Mraz
Click here to stream the show directly or download FREE from itunes!
Sarah talks about the fallacy of teaching peace and how to shift our energies toward learning peace from our children.
Teach Peace?
How can this be done living in the current stratified system that continues to field for defense and use it for offense?
Be objective: What do you think? Here’s what I think. Appreciate the beliefs and approaches of others and allow your children to choose.
Sometimes it’s not comfortable. Analyze your own baggage and don’t pass that burden on.
By unschooling and offering the world and all it has to offer, we assist our children to discover, analyze, and create truly new alternatives.
Learn peace from your children!
Music selections: Turning World- Eric Bibb / The General- Dispatch
Click here to stream directly from the site or look for this show and all shows on itunes for FREE download!
Dealing with family members who disapprove of our parenting/educational choices can be difficult. Sarah talks about how to take back the power and move forward with joy.
Show notes:
Family situations
Parenting differences
Educational pressures
Sarah’s story of confrontation, mediation, relocation, and peace
Assume a powerful, peaceful, and positive stance
Your children will be the shining example
Music Selection: Second Chance- Shinedown
 Click here to stream the show or download FREE on itunes to your mp3 player!
Armed with her core principal of love, trust, and authenticity, Sarah gets specific in how to understand and move through situational emotions.
Show notes:
Say you’re sorry
Be the adult
No judgment
Hear what they mean (or something more endearing to you…
Know your child individually
Stay true to your guiding principle
We are here for each other. We will all (children and adults) experience a range of emotions while we work to understand each other and strive for peaceful relationships.
Authenticity means having emotions and being honest about them. Communicate with each other in a way that serves everyone’s needs. Children will move through unscathed when guilt and shame are not involved in extreme situational emotions.
Music selections: If I Am- Nine Days / Little Wonders- Rob Thomas
Click here to stream the show or find it on itunes for FREE download to your mp3 player!
Finding your guiding principle- what do you want for your children?
Unparenting- how am I parenting if I’m not disciplining?
Re-evaluating what parenting is- eliminating the adversarial relationship
Manners
Body boundaries
Swearing
Discipline- time-outs, etc.
Public situations
Guiding Principle- read it, re-visit it, re-work it, use it!
Music selection: Happiness is- The Verve Pipe
Click here for a direct link to the show.
Homeschoolers don’t ask and don’t tell- getting over the fear in favor of our rights.
Where to find information on your state’s laws and possible changes to them.
Navigating your state’s legislation website/database.
Current actions in 5 states that require OUR action- Ohio, New Jersey, California, Oklahoma, New Hampshire.
How does the system work? A guide for the process of passing a bill into a law and what homeschoolers can- and must- do at each step of the way.
Music selection: Just a Bill- Jack Sheldon
Click here for a direct link to the show.
Addressing the whys?, hows?, and what abouts? of unschooling.
Learning theories.
Stepping back.
What about the basics?
Reading
Writing
Arithmetic
Learning from life.
Music selection: This is Your Life- Switchfoot
Click here for a direct link to the show.
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference. ~Robert Frost
Public school statistics: Violence, bullying, drugs from U.S. Department of Education Institute of Education Science
Are homeschoolers part of the problem rather than the solution?
Are homeschoolers sheltering their children from the world?
What about socialization?
What about education?
Next show: Why unschooling makes rational sense from an education perspective.
Music selection: Peace of Mind- Boston / First of Me- Hoobastank
Click here for a direct link to the show.
Unschooling politics and religion
Countdown to presidential election 2008!
Imparting political (or other) values in unschooling- is it wrong?
It’s inevitable- impart openness, interest, empowerment
Unschooling politics vs. unschooling religion
Why are they different?
Indifference = disempowerment
Making politics a priority b/c it affects our lives and our children’s future
Music selections: Waiting on the World to Change- John Mayer / New Soul- Yael Naim
Click here for a direct link to the show.
What you’ll find in this episode:
Unschooling Media
Why do people place limits?
Why release limits?
Saturation period
Television-
Marketing
Value of TV
Strewing/family TV
Will they turn off the TV?
Mentor! Analyze your own media usage.
Computer/video games-
Value
Their use not only models your own but is just as important
Children WILL self-regulate!
Exertion of control words/measures will hinder this process
Music selections: I Like it That Way- Sweet Honey in the Rock
Click here for a direct link to the show.
What you’ll find in this episode:
Unschooling ourselves- pursuing our life learning alongside our children
Compartmentalizing our passions as “somedays”
Stagnation vs. continued learning
Selfish desires- feeding ourselves to feed our families
Mentor! Do what you love!
Changing the family mentality
Examples of pursuits
Start small!
Music selection: Just Older- Bon Jovi
Click here for a direct link to the show.
My heartfelt gratitude for the Rethinking Education Conference and my conversations with Dayna Martin which were pivotal in my understanding and working through of my own judgment.
What you’ll find in this episode:
‘Reconcile’ (v.) – To bring (oneself) to accept
Stages: 1) defensiveness, 2) judgment/self-righteousness, 3) understanding
We ‘know’ we’re right…. so do they!
Be strong and solid in what your goal is for your family.
Unschooling- not everyone wants to do this! Support educational reform. Vote!
Gentle parenting- set an example. Be true to yourself and model positive parent-child interactions. Everyone is doing the best they know how to do.
Seek support!- Read, attend, form/join a tribe!
Music selection: Respect- Train
Click here for a direct link to the show.
What you’ll find in this episode:
Sleep with Butterflies- Unschooling sleep
Exploring child-led sleep patterns
Frustration/anger surrounding bedtime- mythical vs. actual bedtime scenarios
Quiet minds, focused play
‘Adult’ time
Coping with grouchy days
Free kids are happy kids
Music selection: Sleeps With Butterflies- Tori Amos / Bubbly- Colbie Caillat
Click here for a direct link to the show.
What you’ll find in this episode:
Free-Range Children- Unschooling Food
Children regulating their own caloric intake by choosing when and what to eat.
What about the family meal?
Setting the stage for unschooling food.
Music selection: Intelligent People- Rob Dickinson
Click here for a direct link to the show.
What you’ll find in this episode:
Finding the Real World- Coming to Unschooling the Parent Way
Come along as Sarah talks about how the Parent family chose unschooling and scrapped social/educational norms.
Music selection: No Such Thing- John Mayer
Click here for a direct link to the show.
What you’ll find in this episode:
A general discussion of the whats, whys, and hows of unschooling.
Click here for a direct link to the show to stream on your computer!
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Humans Being graphic courtesy of Manuel Sanvictores. Copyright 2008.
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